Saturday, March 3, 2012

Security Systems

My dream house is a medieval castle, retrofitted with a ton of really high tech stuff. Stuff like robot guardians, holo-emitters, some kind of lightning generator (kinda like a weaponized Tesla coil), and lots of other cool and/or weird stuff. Not to mention a giant vault of comic books and collectables. So to protect all that awesome stuff, I'll need some pretty good security systems. I've already described my boxing glove idea in a sepparate post, but I have lots more ideas and preexisting stuff I want. One is like the Red Queen in the 1st Resident Evil movie, with those cool lasers. If you didn't see the movie, the security system was called the Red Queen, and there was a hallway with laser emitters on the walls and the lasers moved toward intruders and sliced and diced them. But instead of manual controls, the Red Queen has a human projection in the likeness of a little girl. But I think far too highly of myself, so I would probably make my system's holographic projection look just like me. Well there's my plan for the mainframe and 2 defenses, but here's another defense idea: You know those things you see in martial arts movies where it's like a spinning pillar with blades coming out of it? Think of that, but with chainsaws, and the whole thing retracts into the floor. My next 2 ideas kind of go together: floor o' flames and fountain o' flames. The foor o' flames involves a cage dropping into place around a section of floor that has upward facing flamethrowers that fire at random time intervals in bursts that last 1 or 2 seconds each. My fountain o' flames idea is pretty much what it sounds like: a bunch of statues, all with built-in flamethrowers. And at least some of the statues would probably be of me, partially because of my sometimes hubristic nature, partially because anyone that wants to invade my fortress would probably be freaked out from seeing me spewing fire from my mouth and hands. Another necessity is an anti-monster chamber. It would be a room that seals itself with heavy blast doors and utilizes the weaknesses of various paranormal beasts. I'm thinking bright UV lights, sprinklers that shoot holy water and silver nitrate, and maybe something else, but I don't know. Also, I think I need 3 sets of trap doors that lead to 3 different areas. The first is a maze of doom, complete with a minotaur. The second is a funhouse of doom with a hall of mirrors, evil clowns, and maybe one of those spinning rooms that make you stick to the wall, only the floor retracts to reveal a cage that would-be intruders fall into once the room stops spinning. The 3rd set of trap doors would be into a large pool with at least 1 huge shark in it, but also a few small islands (I don't want to be unfair unless I have to). And all of what I've described above should be not only monitored with a lot of cameras, but it should also have projectors to project a real time image of my face on the walls; kinda like a creepier version of video chatting where 1 person is watching the other try to get past numerous obstacles and traps. Much like the Riddler, for whom I have great respect. Oh, and everything should be able to recognize me and let me through.

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