Friday, June 28, 2013

The Bat-Glare

I've recently realized that Batman's most powerful tool isn't his armor, it's not his batarangs, not the batmobile, but the bat-glare. Especially in the cartoon series Justice League Unlimited (which is quite good I might add). Some of you may wonder exactly what the bat-glare is, so instead of describing it, I'll show you what I mean.
See what I'm saying? Even the Martian Manhunter, who is as powerful or maybe more powerful than Superman, is intimidated by the bat-glare. Same with Booster Gold, one of the most arrogant heroes around. Some of the clips from the video above were from the Justice Lords episode, where the Justice League from a parallel universe sets up a dictatorship of the world, so I've wondered what would happen if our Batman and evil Batman used the bat-glare on each other? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities: either the two bat-glares cancel each other out, or the whole universe implodes. It could go either way.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Still don't buy an Xbox One

This is old news, but in case you haven't heard, Microsoft did an Xbox One Eighty with their DRM policies, meaning that used games will be fully supported, sharing games will be possible, and disks will work like they do now. All because when they announced their plans, we said no. There was so much protesting, and we did it. If you posted anything saying what madness their proposed policies were, you did it too. Be proud, because the voice of the people made a difference. That may sound a little cheesy, but it's true. I don't know if you like Doctor Who or not, but if you do, you may remember a scene where the Daleks are threatening to exterminate people if the ninth Doctor doesn't comply, and he just keeps saying no to them. Basically, Microsoft is the Daleks and get excited, since that makes us the Doctor. Anyway, I'm happy about this victory, but Microsoft has shown that they are clearly unhappy about this and only doing it so people will at least consider buying their console and stop hating on it. So because of this, they've decided to be petty about it and take away family sharing, which was one of the few kinda decent things they had announced before. It's petty and contemptible, but I have to admit that it's smart. Now all the people who were looking forward to having family sharing are turning against us, the people who fought for their freedom from oppressive DRM. I'm not sure if they planned that to happen or were just trying to punish us for wanting to own the games that we pay them money for (since last time I checked, that's how a transaction works. If they want us to have no choice but to basically rent games, they had better be a lot cheaper than the price to buy them). If they did plan to turn gamers against each other though, I'll admit that's pretty good as far as corporate evil schemes go. I don't like it, but I do respect it. That's allowed, right? Doctor Doom sincerely respects both Mister Fantastic and Iron Man. Now that I think about it, I think villains are usually the ones who both hate and respect their enemies. Especially Kraven the Hunter with his philosophy about every man having his "spider." But this isn't really a you're-my-spider kind of thing as much as an I-don't-like-what-you-did-but-I'll-admit-it-was-smart kind of thing. Besides lacking my and many other people's respect and not deserving our money, there are still other reasons not to buy an Xbox One. It costs One hundred dollars more, and relies a lot on voice commands, which you can't expect to always work. You just can't. And the most important reason is still the fact that it's not truly about games anymore. Honestly, if you want a new console, buy a PS4, if you have some money you want to blow after buying one and like Nintendo, buy a Wii U, and if you still have $500 you want to spend on something, buy those gold pills I mentioned in my last post , and I honestly could not care less what you do with the remaining $75. I'll take it if you don't want it.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Make a Dredd Sequel Happen!

Recently, DNA announced that they'll soon know whether or not DVD and Blu-ray sales for Dredd are sufficient to consider a sequel. If you haven't seen the movie but have read the comicbooks, go buy the movie for Drokk's sake! I promise you won't be disappointed. And if you're not familiar with either, just go and buy the DVD, and if you like it, pick up some of the comicbooks, which you'll  like if you like the movie. Judge Dredd is a fantastic character, and I only use the word fantastic when I mean fantastic. This might be his only chance for another movie, and I really liked the first, so let's make this happen! If you don't own a copy, go and buy one, and if you do, you should do what I'm doing and tell other people everything I've just said, so a sequel will have to at least be considered. I know Karl Urban is a big Judge Dredd fan, so it's not like they would have a hard time getting him to play the role again. Still though, I feel like there's a decent chance we won't get another movie, but we have to try, right? As far as good and bad movies go, Judge Dredd has one of each, and I'd like to tip the scales towards good movies. A wise man once said "If you admit defeat, then that is all you shall know." That wise man was me. Just now. Anyway, let's see what we can do about getting another great movie about a great character!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Don't buy an Xbox One

The Xbox One looks horrible! Not to mention having a stupid name (puns to come)! As in Xbox One Hundred dollars more expensive than the PS4 but way worse! I would literally prefer to buy gold pills that give you golden poop (yes, they make that) than buy an Xbox One, since the pills cost a little bit less, and either way, what you get is a shiny turd! Besides the price tag, what else is terrible about it, you ask? Where to begin?! How about their decision to mercilessly screw over the used game market? You buy a disk for the purpose of installing the game to your system, then there's an as of yet undisclosed fee if the disk is used by a different person! This is all because Microsoft is a corporation that rivals the evil of the Umbrella Corporation, and it might as well be run by Cobra Commander, Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, and the freakin' Monopoly guy! Seriously! Microsoft is becoming so greedy and corrupt that now their evil rivals, if not exceeds EA's! That's right! I went there. They're ruining used games, which is how I buy a lot of my games! But it gets better! They talk about a bunch of features they're adding that make it sound like there are perks to the system, but they're things that WE ALREADY HAVE!!! For example, they say you can borrow a game from someone, but only if you've had them in your friends list for 30 days, and only once! With the current system, you can borrow games from anyone, as many times as you want! And you know what the funniest one is? This actually made me laugh. Ready? One of the features they list is that people in your house get unlimited access to your games! Think about that for a second! If they had to resort to listing that among the good things about their console, clearly there aren't many! But there are plenty of negatives! For example, an even bulkier Kinect that constantly spies on you. They say it won't, but we all know that's a lie. Or how about the fact that there's no backwards compatibility? Or the fact that it needs a constant Internet connection to work, even for 100% offline games! They tell us lies about why it's "necessary," and it is for some games, but not for all of them! And you still have to pay for Xbox Live, except now you can't play your games without it, so you're being forced to pay for a product that some people don't even want, even if you never use it! It seems like it's not even about games anymore! They keep talking about using it to watch TV, or do other things besides gaming, none of which I care about! The Xbox One is a media device that happens to be able to play games! That's what it is! It's not a game console; they say it is, but it isn't!  Meanwhile, the PS4 supports used games, has free online capabilities but doesn't require a constant connection, doesn't spy on you, costs less, focuses on games instead of other stuff no one wants, and doesn't have a stupid name! Honestly, Xbox 720 sounds better, and 720 is a stupid name already. On top of that, unlike the Xbox One, the PS4 doesn't look like a clunky brick, and even more importantly, has some degree of backwards compatability! Which console does Microsoft think people are going to buy? The only thing Microsoft has that Sony doesn't is their exclusive content, but Sony has their own exclusives, which seem to keep getting better, while Microsoft's just kinda... don't. Actually, I take that partially back. Microsoft had one exclusive that I'd really like to play: Dead Rising Three. I loved the first two games, but the second was released on all platforms, so maybe they'll go that route eventually with the third. So let's do a recap, shall we? Used games: advantage Sony. Backwards compatibility: advantage Sony. Online functionality: advantage Sony. Price: advantage Sony. Basically everything: advantage Sony. However, I would like to thank Microsoft for doing one thing very well. They made it extremely easy to decide which console to buy, and it's not theirs! The 360 is my favorite gaming platform, but Microsoft, blinded by greed, is alienating the customers, which will cost them my and a lot of other people's buisness. Microsoft is turning out to be like that one childhood friend you had that turned into a total jerk, so you stopped hanging out with him. Xbox One? More like Xbox lost. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013


Recently, it seems like there have been a lot of reboots. Devil May Cry, the Superman movies, the Spider-Man movies, and various comicbooks to name a few. In my opinion, the next reboot they should make is... Battletoads.

That's right. I said Battletoads. The NES game that everyone makes prank calls about. It was decent at first, but then it got so hard it wasn't even fun. Especially since if you got far enough, you could see that the devs were counting on the fact that most people wouldn't get that far, so they put gradually less effort into the levels and enemies as the game went on. The first two levels are actually fun though if you want to head over here and give the game a shot. If you do, make sure to pause the game at least once, since when you pause it, the game gives you a really catchy beat that you can rock out to. At one point there was also a Battletoads cartoon, but it was incredibly cheesy and they overemphasized the plot element of the toads' human identities being losers so much that it took away from their relatability. I like the idea of anthropomorphised toads that use their limited shapeshifting abilities to fight aliens though, so I'm thinking they could use a gritty reboot. If Aquaman can go from being the lamest member of the Super Friends to the tough guy he is now who loses a hand in battle and doesn't even care, then the Battletoads can be made cool. Their biggest obstacle is the fact that people dismiss them as a cheap Ninja Turtles knockoff, which is understandable but mistaken. What they need is a prequel story. In the cartoon, it's said that the toads were ancient warriors and their identities were passed to the human teenagers, who serve as their current embodiments. So a prequel game could take place before the lameness of the humans comes into the equation, and also serve to prove that the toads are different from the turtles by elucidating their backstory. The other thing I said already is that the story needs to be dark and gritty. Not incredibly dark, but darker. There should be likable supporting characters who die, and other plot elements that create real emotion. Lastly, if a Battletoads reboot is going to work, it needs to be fun, which means good combat. I'm thinking Rocksteady might be a good studio to make it since they did a fantastic job with the unarmed combat in their Batman games, and the toads are all about hand to hand. Of course, their shapeshifting has to come into it, so I think ordinary attacks could gradually fill a meter on the HUD, which can be spent by performing shapeshifting attacks. If a game was made that fit this description, I would play it, and not just because it was my idea. The one other problem I see is that video game stores would be reluctant to sell it, since that would give people even more reason to call and ask about Battletoads.