Thursday, June 13, 2013
Don't buy an Xbox One
The Xbox One looks horrible! Not to mention having a stupid name (puns to come)! As in Xbox One Hundred dollars more expensive than the PS4 but way worse! I would literally prefer to buy gold pills that give you golden poop (yes, they make that) than buy an Xbox One, since the pills cost a little bit less, and either way, what you get is a shiny turd! Besides the price tag, what else is terrible about it, you ask? Where to begin?! How about their decision to mercilessly screw over the used game market? You buy a disk for the purpose of installing the game to your system, then there's an as of yet undisclosed fee if the disk is used by a different person! This is all because Microsoft is a corporation that rivals the evil of the Umbrella Corporation, and it might as well be run by Cobra Commander, Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, and the freakin' Monopoly guy! Seriously! Microsoft is becoming so greedy and corrupt that now their evil rivals, if not exceeds EA's! That's right! I went there. They're ruining used games, which is how I buy a lot of my games! But it gets better! They talk about a bunch of features they're adding that make it sound like there are perks to the system, but they're things that WE ALREADY HAVE!!! For example, they say you can borrow a game from someone, but only if you've had them in your friends list for 30 days, and only once! With the current system, you can borrow games from anyone, as many times as you want! And you know what the funniest one is? This actually made me laugh. Ready? One of the features they list is that people in your house get unlimited access to your games! Think about that for a second! If they had to resort to listing that among the good things about their console, clearly there aren't many! But there are plenty of negatives! For example, an even bulkier Kinect that constantly spies on you. They say it won't, but we all know that's a lie. Or how about the fact that there's no backwards compatibility? Or the fact that it needs a constant Internet connection to work, even for 100% offline games! They tell us lies about why it's "necessary," and it is for some games, but not for all of them! And you still have to pay for Xbox Live, except now you can't play your games without it, so you're being forced to pay for a product that some people don't even want, even if you never use it! It seems like it's not even about games anymore! They keep talking about using it to watch TV, or do other things besides gaming, none of which I care about! The Xbox One is a media device that happens to be able to play games! That's what it is! It's not a game console; they say it is, but it isn't! Meanwhile, the PS4 supports used games, has free online capabilities but doesn't require a constant connection, doesn't spy on you, costs less, focuses on games instead of other stuff no one wants, and doesn't have a stupid name! Honestly, Xbox 720 sounds better, and 720 is a stupid name already. On top of that, unlike the Xbox One, the PS4 doesn't look like a clunky brick, and even more importantly, has some degree of backwards compatability! Which console does Microsoft think people are going to buy? The only thing Microsoft has that Sony doesn't is their exclusive content, but Sony has their own exclusives, which seem to keep getting better, while Microsoft's just kinda... don't. Actually, I take that partially back. Microsoft had one exclusive that I'd really like to play: Dead Rising Three. I loved the first two games, but the second was released on all platforms, so maybe they'll go that route eventually with the third. So let's do a recap, shall we? Used games: advantage Sony. Backwards compatibility: advantage Sony. Online functionality: advantage Sony. Price: advantage Sony. Basically everything: advantage Sony. However, I would like to thank Microsoft for doing one thing very well. They made it extremely easy to decide which console to buy, and it's not theirs! The 360 is my favorite gaming platform, but Microsoft, blinded by greed, is alienating the customers, which will cost them my and a lot of other people's buisness. Microsoft is turning out to be like that one childhood friend you had that turned into a total jerk, so you stopped hanging out with him. Xbox One? More like Xbox lost.