Satellites

I need a fleet (Is that the right word? Fleet? It doesn't sound quite right to me, but nothing else sounds any better right now, so I'm just going to stick with fleet) of my own personal satellites orbiting the earth. Their primary use would be for normal stuff like phone service and surveillance, but I would also equip it with pods to be sent down to earth wherever I am with something useful inside like a bunch of weapons or a spare suit of my personalized combat armor that I'm assuming I'll have by the time I'm in a position to start looking into satellites. Or snack foods or something if I'm either too lazy to go get some myself or decide that that's for regular people and I have way more class than that. Or writing utensils and other office supplies. That way when someone asks me if I have a pen they can borrow, I can get one in the absolute coolest way ever. Or if I'm in an evil mood and someone consistently steals pens and stuff from me, I can get revenge in the most ironic way possible. The other thing I want on my satellites is laser cannons that are controlled by a handheld targeting device. Think of the Hammer of Dawn from Gears of War combined with that one thing in Halo: Reach. Or maybe even an orbital nuclear strike in case there's no other way to stop the spread of either aliens or zombies. But that would definitely NOT be controlled by a handheld targeting laser thing. I want to be very far away from the target when that hits. But that's why I prefer lasers, particle beams, and stuff like that, since you can be standing pretty close to it, but as long as the beam isn't actually hitting you, you're fine. This last thing is kind of out there and not really a necessity but would be a nice bonus, but I'd like all the satellites to combine into a huge fighting robot. But I'm not too sure about that, since it's a robot and, well, I don't trust them.