Sunglasses

I've been thinking a lot recently about relatively useless super powers that would still be pretty cool. There are lots of abilities that would be completely useless for the things most superhumans do, but still pretty convenient in normal life. You might think talking to ants like Ant-Man is pretty pointless, but he's been able to use that to his advantage many times. I'm thinking even less useful. Kind of like the very small scale telekinesis in Looper. Having given it a lot of thought, I think the useless superhuman ability I'd take is the ability to create sunglasses out of nowhere. Especially since you really do need a good pair of shades to put on and take off when making puns. Plus if it's sunny out, I wouldn't need to worry about taking sunglasses with me. I could just create a pair. Also, unlimited pairs of sunglasses would just be generally awesome. You could be like Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat and when your sunglasses break, just toss them away and put on another pair. Or Albert Wesker from Resident Evil. That guy is never without his shades. Or Blade or any one of lots of other characters for that matter. And don't ask me why, but I think it would be fun to put sunglasses on random things in public. Like in a supermarket putting shades on all the fruits and vegetables to make them all look suddenly very cool. Don't ask me why. I just know that even with cheap pairs, the cost would add up. Unless I have an unlimited supply of them. I suppose they might be a little bit useful in a fight just throwing them as a distraction, or making tons of them for enemies to trip over. Money is also something I like. With unlimited pairs of sunglasses, one could become a highly successful sunglasses seller. Upon greater thought, this really isn't that useless of a power. It would actually be a pretty good one.

Ninjas

Ninjas are just plain awesome. In comic books, new movies, old movies, video games, or pretty much anything else they're in. I've recently been watching some old ninja movies, and they are so cool. I recommend Ninja in the Dragon's Den and Ninja: the Final Duel. They're kinda cheesy, but if you like old action movies like that, they're actually pretty good. And the fight scenes are cool too. There are things like a battle fought entirely on stilts, or my favorite, the "water spider assault units". Water spider assault units are ninjas riding what are basically spider-shaped rafts that can somehow fly out of the water. When I was watching that scene, I was laughing and thinking something along the lines of: "Why would ninjas ride those water spider things?! Oh, wait. They can fly. That makes complete sense now (maybe)." And both of those movies have great (because it's bad) dialogue. If you're not sure if this kind of movie sound like something worth watching, the intro from one of them is right here. I'll give you a minute to watch it ..........................................................................

Yeah. You know that was awesome. Being a ninja would be one of the coolest jobs ever. Well, more so in modern times, since before, ninjas were pretty low in the social hierarchy and not treated with a lot of respect. I think if I were to resurrect the ninja in modern life, my version would be pretty loyal to the original, but with a few modern innovations, like maybe some shatterproof eye protection and maybe combine some old and new weapons in order to combine the style of classic ninja weapons with the power of modern ones, like ballistic kunai knives for example. I would use them in the Hanzo Hasashi (Scorpion) style, which involves putting the blade on a rope, using it as a stabby grappling hook and yelling "Get over here!" But I would adapt that style to spring-loaded ballistic knives. Actually, I'm pretty sure Blade has something like that in Blade Trinity, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I would most likely also add a couple elements of Samurai into the mix, partially to be more effective, partially to look cool, and also because I have great respect for the Samurai. I would wear a combination of a ninja suit and Samurai armor. Basically, I'm thinking a black Kevlar ninja outfit, but with some armor plating on it. Also, I would wear a mempo mask (one of the ones with a mouth and teeth on it) and a tight armored helmet (not a Samurai helmet; just a regular one), which would be concealed by a hood. So that would be me as a ninja.

Guns

I need guns. Lots of guns. Well, I probably don't to be honest, but I love saying that. It's one of my favorite Matrix quotes. But as useful as regular guns are, I need (in this case need means want, but it sound less greedy if I say I need it) something special. You may be surprised that I'm not talking about ray guns, or any other kind of energy weapon. I want ("need") guns that somehow don't run out of bullets. I'm open to pretty much any option for how to make that happen. The second Crimson Avenger (pictured at the bottom) has cursed guns that just magically never need to be reloaded, so something like that would be pretty nice. Also, Jackie Estacado from The Darkness has the ability to do what's called gun channeling, which channels his dark energy as darkness bullet things through his guns. The problem with that is that he can only do it for a limited time, and can't do it again until the cool down time has elapsed. If I had to deal with that and/or be the Darkness host, then I would prefer the Crimson Avenger style, but if not, I would choose something along the lines of gun channeling, since dark energy bullets are more powerful than metal ones, plus Jackie is evantually able to see and shoot through walls, so I'll assume that applies here. Another option is something like in the movie Ultraviolet. It isn't the best movie I've ever seen, but the characters have what's called flat space technology, so basically they can store whatever they want in 2D space and call it to them with a little portal looking thing. So the main character, Violet, has guns that are open where a clip would normally go, and bracelets with flat space storage capacity, so there's a stream of bullets flying into her guns. The only problem with that is that the bullets are still limited, even though you can have a crazy amount of them stored so they seem infinite. So I would like that just for general use, since you can also use it for swords and pretty much anything else, but it wouldn't be my first choice for bullets. As for what kind of guns I want, I'm thinking a pair of automatic pistols or small SMGs should do it. Their appearance should be something like that big pistol/small machine gun Blade uses in the first movie. And these last three things aren't necessary, but I'd really like them to have built-in laser sights and silencers that can be turned on and off without removing them, and retractable bayonets.

 

"2 please!"